A while ago I had the privilege to work on The Embodiment Conference as the channel manager for the Martial & Healing Arts channel (you may notice a gap in the articles here – that’s why). As part of the lead-up to the conference, we held a number of one-day and weekend events including one on men’s work. For this particular event I did most of the planning, including selecting almost all the presenters. We had some great speakers like Owen Marcus, Lee Stagles, Steve James, and many more. I also got introduced to Matt Brown, a Maori barber in New Zealand – and founder of She’s Not Your Rehab. She’s Not Your Rehab deals with domestic violence, particularly in NZ. However, the name stuck in my head and got my wheels turning.

For some time now there’s been a joke spread through society, and one that Hollywood loves to perpetuate – that men are just older children. It’s not new, men have consistently been portrayed as incompetent children for decades. Gone are the shows where fathers and husbands had any level of competency, replaced by an endless slew of shows and movies where men are little more than bumbling idiots who need a woman to care for them. And it’s extremely unfortunate that this is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. More and more men, fathers, and husbands are little more than children with debt. Men well passed 30 spend much of their time playing video games with few ambitions.

It’s becoming more commonplace to see a couple getting married and realize he’s not taking on a wife but a surrogate mother. To some extent women create this condition, and we as men let them. How often have you heard a wife list her husband as one of the children she’s raising? What woman in her right mind would want a grown child as her husband? Or even a boyfriend?

Fact of the matter is, this is becoming more prevalent. There are some women that want this, because they want to control their men or because they want someone who is as broken as they are. Is this the life you want? Most women accept this because they don’t have many options. Straight women are the largest demographic in almost all of the world – certainly in the western world. A surprisingly high number of women eventually settle for what they think they can get instead of searching for better. Are you what she settled for? Are you the broken man-child she took in?

What’s truly concerning is this trend is becoming more and more prevalent in the gay community, too. It’s time to take your manhood back. Your wife or girlfriend is not your mother, and you should have someone kick you in the balls if you think it’s okay that she takes care of you. If that’s truly the life you want to live, go all in and get caged. Because eventually you’ll either wind up there, or she’ll just dump you on the curb for someone who can take care of themselves. You might think I’m overexaggerating, and maybe I am – a little. However, consider this – women have consistently reported higher and higher levels of infidelity. Women, who are biologically inclined toward monogamy, are more and more cheating on their partners. Moreover, it’s estimated that as many as 30% of children are being raised by a man who is not their biological father (this does not include adoptions). Yes, man-child, she will leave you when she finally gets tired of your crap, or find someone else to curl her toes.

Your significant other is not your mother. It’s not her job to raise you, fix you, or train you. That is not a relationship of equals, it’s just pathetic.

She’s not your better half.

She’s not your mother.

She’s not your rehab.

Grow up and be a man, or put on the diapers while someone else takes over that role for you.